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i just watched the movie mother and child by myself (not a good idea) and pretty much sobbed my way through it. i don’t even know if it is a good movie or not, i don’t think i can judge that. it made me think a lot about the dynamics of mothers and well, childs, and it ultimately made me glad we now are a family. but there was this scene in the movie regarding an unexpected emergency c-section and i had a total flashback, which was weird. not a whole lot of bad has happened to this girl, so i guess it makes sense that i would have ptsd about that event. same thing happened the other night when krispin and i watched an old episode of House M.D. they gave this kid something to eat (hamburger to test his liver enzymes or something absurd like they do up in that show) and the simple shot of them taking the plastic top off of the large, round, not-tupperware-but-sturdy-in-a-no-nonsense-hospital-way serving dish made me gasp. out loud.


yeah, the hospital meals were the most memorable thing about ramona’s birth.

anyways, i look forward to looking back (oooh, interesting sentence) at that event in the next month or so. because six months seems like a good time to assess, and remember, and regroup. because i am sure that teething for reals this time is just around the corner.


also, the early interventionist people came and it was good and disappointing.

good, because she is not that behind.

disappointing, because she is not that behind.

see the difference? they tested her according to her adjusted age (somewhere close to 3 and 1/2 months) and she was in the 87-99th percent in all areas. she would have to test somewhere in the 70s in order to qualify for government assistance like rehab and tax breaks and all that. so we were happy.

but that also means that she is not testing at 100 percent even for her adjusted age, which is 7 weeks behind her actual age.no mom wants to hear that their baby is slightly below average, and i am no different. but we will move on, and persevere, and when she is 20 years old no one will care if she is acting more like a person who is 19 years and 10 months.

and this week she was a terror for sure, all nap strikes and hissy fits and scream city. but the past two days have been full of giggles and calm ponderings of hands and mobiles and pandas, and it is getting easier to ride the roller coaster of babydom.

and already i know that she is who she is, and i am here to be changed by her.



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