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deprived.

so, after a month and a half of sleeping 8-12 hours in a row, ramona now wakes up 2-3 times a night.

after tasting sound sleep, it is hard to go back to zombie land.

and i even have a very helpful husband who gets up and helps but i seem to have been cursed with the inability to fall quickly back asleep. every little cry jolts me awake and it takes a good hour to get back asleep . times that by 3 and i am looking at a whole lot of time to lay in bed and fret about how i am not sleeping.

so, lack of sleep has made me a little grumpy for the past week or so. and tiredness affects me in other ways, too. i walked past one of those creepy, overgrown, always-in-the-shade portland houses the other day–you know, the kind with 20 years of stuff piled up on the porch, smelling faintly of must and mold and ferns–and i thought to myself that is what my house is going to look like. never mind that i live in an apartment, i just suddenly empathized with people who were overwhelmed with life and therefore unable to emulate the clean, bright, spacious and tidy look of magazine homes. while we aren’t quite at hoarders status yet, i tend to let stuff get to the i-can’t-see-the-carpet status in my own room. who can be bothered to clean?

also, i have been feeling a little miffed that ramona likes krispin so much more than me. do any other moms experience this? i am the one with her day in and out, but she seems to regard me with only a mild affection at best, a murderous rage at worst (nap time? i’ll cut you!). but the second krispin walks in the door she is all smiles and giggles. if he tries to get her to sleep for the night he has a hard time because she will just spit out her binky and smile at him. yes, she won’t go to sleep because she is smiling too much.

the one thing i cling to is the idea that since ramona is around me all the time, she feels comfortable being cranky with me (thanks catherine for this idea!). and it’s true. when i put her down for the night she either heaves a few sobs or makes the world’s cutest frowny face and then collapses into sleep in my arms. no smiling, but lot’s of sleeping. ramona feels no need to flirt with me, because i am always there. old hat, as they say. i’m the mom.

on that cheerful note, i will leave you with photographic evidence of the favored parent:

 

i blame the beard.

 

 

 

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One response

  1. At times I think John thinks I am the favored parent. A lot of my older mom friends told me there is an interesting bond between father/daughter and mother/son. Experiencing the other side I definitely think there is a bond that is different than father/son, mother/daughter. But I know each relationship is rich and rewarding in its own right. While Ramona right now seems to “favor” Krispin just know there will be lots of moments for the rest of her life when she is gonna need mom and despite dad’s best efforts it will be mom that she needs!

    By the way I love reading your blog and I really want to come spend some time with you guys!

    January 31, 2011 at 9:48 pm

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