now, i will probably regret putting this out for the internet to read, but i honestly think only my mom and a couple other crazies read this blog anyways. but be warned: judgemental issue coming up.
ramona got her first cold last week and we were all miserable. while teaching my friday night class i almost passed out from exhaustion. literally. i narrowly missed the whiteboard. my body loves sleep, what can i say.
after the initial terribleness of her sickness (in which she couldn’t sleep unless being rocked upright by one of us) it became clear that there was not a whole lot we could do to comfort her. she didn’t want to be held, rocked, suck on a pacifier, swaddled, jiggled–nothing helped her. so, in one of those moments of desperation we had an epiphany. or just an accident really. krispin put her down in her crib and went to make a bottle, and when he came back she was sound asleep.
since then we have let her cry herself to sleep and haven’t looked back since.
well, not really. i mean, the first part is true. in mom-land, the cry-it-out method (CIO) is a contentious subject. i had had people on both sides tell me what works best and i should try doing it RIGHT NOW and all that jazz. but really, i didn’t feel psychologically ready. and i didn’t want to hurt my baby. and i don’t mind soothing her to sleep. and i have a bit of ptsd when it comes to crying (hellooooooo, 3 months of colic), so i go into panic mode and just want to make it stop as soon as possible. so CIO wasn’t an option for me.
but then the sickness and the sleep deprivation and the baby who suddenly wasn’t soothed by me. so we tried it, the evil method, and it was just like everybody said: 10-15 minutes for the first 2 nights, 5 on the 3rd, 1 min last night. and ohmylanta, that baby now sleeps from 6:30pm-5:30am, eats a bunch, and then goes back to bed until 8:30. i am not holding my breath, but 3 nights in a row like this and i feel like a million bucks. or at least i don’t feel like passing out any time soon.
all this goes to say you have to do what’s right by you and yours. oh, and you should read this book.
i will say that i realized yesterday that i no longer get to rock my baby to sleep, which is sad (it is scream city if i even try). but i am trying to make lemonade out of the proverbial lemons. here are a few other examples:
new sleep schedule of going to bed at 6:30? instead of viewing it as another crushing example of how we can’t have a social life, i am going to choose to view this as a time to read books, work on subversive cross-stitching, and hang out with the hubs.
price of gasoline so high and naps being a vital part project-happy-well-rested-baby? instead of feeling trapped at my apartment/se neighborhood, i am viewing it as a chance to hang out with my neighbors more (intentional community, right?) and walking is good for the soul. or at least the muffin top.
ok, so i only have 2 examples. but i am trying.
oh, and stay tuned for friday, when i am going to post pictures of me cleaning out my closet. i know, right? i can’t wait either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so, after a month and a half of sleeping 8-12 hours in a row, ramona now wakes up 2-3 times a night.
after tasting sound sleep, it is hard to go back to zombie land.
and i even have a very helpful husband who gets up and helps but i seem to have been cursed with the inability to fall quickly back asleep. every little cry jolts me awake and it takes a good hour to get back asleep . times that by 3 and i am looking at a whole lot of time to lay in bed and fret about how i am not sleeping.
so, lack of sleep has made me a little grumpy for the past week or so. and tiredness affects me in other ways, too. i walked past one of those creepy, overgrown, always-in-the-shade portland houses the other day–you know, the kind with 20 years of stuff piled up on the porch, smelling faintly of must and mold and ferns–and i thought to myself that is what my house is going to look like. never mind that i live in an apartment, i just suddenly empathized with people who were overwhelmed with life and therefore unable to emulate the clean, bright, spacious and tidy look of magazine homes. while we aren’t quite at hoarders status yet, i tend to let stuff get to the i-can’t-see-the-carpet status in my own room. who can be bothered to clean?
also, i have been feeling a little miffed that ramona likes krispin so much more than me. do any other moms experience this? i am the one with her day in and out, but she seems to regard me with only a mild affection at best, a murderous rage at worst (nap time? i’ll cut you!). but the second krispin walks in the door she is all smiles and giggles. if he tries to get her to sleep for the night he has a hard time because she will just spit out her binky and smile at him. yes, she won’t go to sleep because she is smiling too much.
the one thing i cling to is the idea that since ramona is around me all the time, she feels comfortable being cranky with me (thanks catherine for this idea!). and it’s true. when i put her down for the night she either heaves a few sobs or makes the world’s cutest frowny face and then collapses into sleep in my arms. no smiling, but lot’s of sleeping. ramona feels no need to flirt with me, because i am always there. old hat, as they say. i’m the mom.
on that cheerful note, i will leave you with photographic evidence of the favored parent:
i feed her, bathe her, clothe her, take care of her–yet my baby loves her mobile more than she loves me.
it just isn’t fair.
ms. cranky muffins does give me random smiles throughout the day, and i have even heard her laugh 3 times now (although it is still mythical to krispin, my mom can back me up on the laugh. and it is adorable. it sounds kinda like a goose honking) but put that baby underneath her mobile and it is all sunshine and sparkles in ramona-land. well, for about 10-15 minutes. and then the moment is over.
but still. i have become an expert at getting necessary things done in 10-15 minutes.
aaaaaaaaaand i am taking her for her 4 month check up on thursday and am only slightly panicky that she still can’t do what most 2 monthers can (motor skills wise. for those of you interested, her head is still really wobbly and she wouldn’t know her own hands existed if they hit her in the face. which they do, sometimes). if she is anything like her mom, she is going to be an extremely late bloomer.
and i really don’t want to rub it in, but my baby has started sleeping for 8-10 hours in a row at night. like, without waking up. i honestly keep waking up at 5 in the morning panicking because i think she is dead. but she’s not–she is just sleeping really well!
so i guess that sometimes if god gives you a cranky baby he gives you a champion sleeper to make up for it all. in any case, it is so nice to feel like a well-rested human again.
ok, take back everything i said about ramona sleeping good at night and the colic being just a phase and all that.
nope, she likes to get good and cranky for about 3-4 hours every evening and is back to waking up 3+ times a night.
ah well, i knew it couldn’t be that easy.
also, our internet is down so the real blog i want to write will have to wait, but it has to do with even MORE mom anxiety. yay!
plus, i am way behind on the 30 day shred. like, 9 days behind. but i am pressing on. and i don’t feel like throwing up as much when i do it, so that means it must be working?????